I am sitting here, aching. My hips hurt, my back hurts, I am tired.
Welcome to the last weeks of pregnancy!!! Pain aside, I am grateful to have made it this far.
I am still on bed rest, which is enough to make anyone crazy. Sometimes I cheat, but I am quickly reprimanded by roommates, my Portuguese sweetheart, and even my son (If they only understood how difficult bed rest really is). Thank goodness this house has a swimming pool. It is when I am in the pool that the aching pain melts away.. Ahhhhhh… the Little Miracles.
I never thought I would have a “high risk” pregnancy. I had never even heard of IUGR.
My baby is considered off the charts SGA (small for gestational age) due to growth restriction.
Sometimes I wonder if part of her size is purely genetics, but, there are times when I feel like a total failure, and I get down on myself and ask “how does a health conscious yoga teacher and Reiki practitioner, end up with a crappy placenta?” Was it the wine I drank before I knew I was pregnant? Was it stress? The heat? Lack of protein? Too many Downward facing Dogs? What did I do? Maybe I did nothing. And this is just life, and one of the many tests we are faced with.
Recently, we had quite a scare with the baby. We were told the amniotic fluid was very low, and she had not grown in two weeks. There was a question of whether to admit me to the hospital and deliver that day. Ultimately, after hours of waiting, and Drs. debating, we were sent home. Continued bed rest, more fluids, more food, and added Dr appointments.
Talk about Anxiety! That night, I woke up in total panic, and cried for 2 hours straight. I was verging on becoming a total lunatic.Seriously.
The very next day my friend and wise Buddhist Teacher, Nyari Tritul Rinpoche, formally recognized as the third reincarnation of a late master, Tritul Rinpoche of Gelug tradition, came to Florida (he lives in Spain and India), and he performed a healing ceremony called “Vajravidarana Ceremony.”
“Vajravidaran is the Buddhist deity of purification, which removes contamination, negative attitude and misconduct made to the body , mind and speech. In addition to possible impurities at all levels, also removes its origin (Karma ) , external sources and obstacles caused by natural imbalances or negative influences zodiac. Also removes the causes of diseases and negativities of unknown origin. After purification, it creates a protective shield with the Vajra (the object that carries in his right hand diamond represents spiritual strength), which protects for the future.”
Mantra, bells, drums, water, and a special dough were used in the ceremony. It was beautiful. I felt a renewed belief in the power of the spiritual world. After the ceremony, he did a blessing for the baby. He told me to call on White Tara. He gave me a picture of White Tara, which is over my bed. A reminder of the healing energy we can call upon when in need. That evening, I felt light, I felt happy. I floated in the pool, and smiled. I slept well that night.
The very next day, was our baby blessing and shower. Friends planned the whole thing, decorated the house, brought over food, flowers, and lots of hugs and laughter. We had a Wiccan healing and blessing. The priestess (my dear friend) cast the circle, called upon the elements and called in Archangel Gabriel, Michael, Uriel, Jesus, Brigid,Tara, and many other divine beings. I cried during most of the ceremony. It was so powerful. A circle of love surrounding my baby., I honestly couldn’t even talk. My head was spinning, and my hands were red-hot.I hope everyone who was there, in person or spirit, truly knows how grateful I am.
We just went back to the Dr. yesterday. After some tests, my Dr. smiled at me, and said “baby is doing remarkably better, your fluids have gone up, and her organs, and heart rate are looking much better.” I told her about the blessings, she smiled (thinking I was a crazy hippie), and said “whatever works, I am relieved to see this improvement.”
It is very likely she will still need to be delivered soon. But she is doing better. And for this, I am doing better.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for the blessings. I will keep you posted.